Monday, February 26, 2007

The BGA 12 Steps

  1. We admitted we were powerless over golf—that our golf games had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves—namely the golf gods--could restore our golf games to their prior glory.
  3. Made a decision to turn our golf games—and all golf-related wagers—over to the golf gods… as we understood them.
  4. Made a token and half-hearted moral inventory of ourselves, and found ourselves to be awesome no matter what our score.
  5. Admitted to the golf gods, to ourselves, and to our playing partners the exact nature of our mediocrity, and embraced it.
  6. Were entirely ready to continue to plunk down large chunks of cash for the privilege of taking 112 or more strokes per round.
  7. Humbly asked the golf gods to please-for-the-love-of-all-things-holy just give us one good shot per round.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, including those for whom we forgot to yell “Fore!” and became willing to make amends to them all in the form of beer, hot dogs, or other post-round snack bar item.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cause injury to ourselves in the form of us getting our butts kicked by the guys we kept hitting into all day long.
  10. Continued to take inventory of others in our foursome, harping on their golf game’s shortcomings despite the overwhelming evidence on the scorecard that we don’t have any idea what we’re talking about.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with the golf gods as we understood them, praying only for birdies, eagles, holes-in-one, and other shots not possible with our own power and skill level.
  12. Having had a spiritual golf awakening, as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to bad golfers everywhere, and to practice these principles in all our rounds of golf, so that all bad golfers may embrace their mediocrity and begin enjoying golf again.